Funnie Sh*t..

Oh My GOD!!! Its GOD!

10 Lies to tell a Guy..

Size Doesn't Matter

Only girls who date guys with small peens are forced to tell this lie. Fortunately, that's not me. My man is well hung and I am satisfied! But nothing can make a small penis shrink in size faster than hearing that dreaded sentence, and she is well aware of that. Hence the need to stretch the truth. Besides, if it bothered her that much then she wouldn't let your tiny man member near her va-jay-jay.

You're The Best

Are you starting to notice a trend? Most lies girls tell are linked to your man-meat. Because everyone knows that any good relationship is based on telling your guy how awesome he is in bed. She can't very well push you off of her and say "What the hell are you doing?" A girl with any kind of manners at all would never do such a thing. She knows that the best time to talk about your sexual prowess, or lack thereof, is not 5 minutes after you thought you made her climax. Keep in mind, this lie also goes hand in hand with faking an orgasm.

Yes, I Had An Orgasm

Have I told this lie? Of course. What woman hasn't? But I have to say, most lies leave me feeling guilty, so as I've grown wiser through the years I have started answering my boyfriend with a resounding, "NO." Hey if I didn't orgasm then I didn't orgasm, it's definitely not for a lack of trying on his part. But I will say that 9 out of 10 times ain't bad. Just know that if you weren't rockin' your significant other's world on a regular, then he/she wouldn't be with you. So take this one on the chin.

Go, Have Fun With The Guys

Sure, this one seems harmless enough but nonetheless it is a little white lie. Truth is, your girl wants you to go out and have fun with the guys, just not too much fun. Why? Because it's kind of hard for her to continue her delusion of you being miserable without her if she sees you coming home with a smile plastered on your face and she's not the one who put it there. So go out, have fun with the guys, and enjoy it, just let the first thing out of your mouth when you get home be, "I missed you, babe."

I Promise, I Won't Get Mad

Ladies love this one. Guys, don't fall for it. No matter how fervently she promises not to get mad at you. It's a trap. Keep your mouth shut, because the second you spill the beans you can bet your ass, or any other part of your body, that you won't be getting any poon-tang anytime soon. Honestly, I can't tell you why women use this one. I guess it's just so we can get you to fess up to what you did. It gives us more ammunition to use on you later.

Forgive And Forget

Now, most guys think that these two go together. If your girlfriend tells you that she forgives you then that's that, the dark cloud has gone and you will never again have to return to that conversation. But that's not what she is thinking. She's thinking, "He's so cute, but damn he's stupid" And just as sure as she's had that thought, months later, when you're sitting on the couch in front of the TV scratching your nads and watching the game, she's going to come in screaming and hollering and whatever that blowout was that you thought was long forgotten will be dredged up and thrown in your face. LMAO...mark my words.

I'm Not Mad

These are quite possibly the most dangerous three words in the English language. Because if she's saying she's not mad, then it means she's livid. So, why does she keep saying it? She thinks that if she says it enough times it will make it true. But alas, as you and I both know, that's not true. So, I suggest you hide all the things you love and run for cover because it's only a matter of time before her head explodes from all the seething anger coursing through her veins.

I don't Know If I Want To Get Married

She's LYING! Who the hell doesn't know if they want to get married?! If she ever says this what she's really saying is one of two things; either she wants to get married but is in denial about the fact, or she's scarred that if she admits she wants to tether herself to you it will leave you running for the hills. Any woman who doesn't want to get married will say so flat out, without having to pause to think about it. In this case, just stereotype us. IDK means yes.

I Love You Just The Way You Are

This is a huge untruth. Why? Because she wants to change everything about you. Unless you're a flaming meterosexual, then your girlfriend hates your clothes, hates your apartment decor, and thinks you are in desperate need of the kind of makeover only she can give you. Sleep with one eye open guys, or you may wake up in the morning all manscaped.

I Love Your Friends

Every woman knows that if her boyfriend's friends love her then she's home free. And if she really does love your BFFs then good for you, you've found a keeper. But if you see her cringe a bit or her skin crawl at the mere mention of them then you know she's lying. Why would she pretend to love your boys? Well, you just answered your own question. They're your boys! If she doesn't put on this facade then it's going to force you to choose between them and her, and there's a 50/50 chance that she could lose, so...

Is Love blind?

Is Love blind? Well if it is... then you'd be humping this.... or it!

So the next time someone comes up to you and tells you that "oohhhh loveee isss bliiinnddd' ... Sit on his/her face and shit on it!

If i controlled the world....

If i controlled the world.. This is how it'd look like..for REAL!

Little Mermaid

Milagros Cerron, is a Peruvian girl,born with a rare condition, known as Sirenomelia, or “Mermaid Syndrome“, which left her legs bound together from her heels.

Sirenomelia is a rare congenital defect that occurs in one out of 70,000 births. Born in a poor family, from a poor village in the Andes, Milagros Cerron is fortunate enough to have her health bills supported by the Peruvian municipal government.

Caterpillar the size of 5 grown men.

Fu*king Retards!

Eventually you'll smile..

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it might have been those ba**ards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna

Nothing

Literally Nothing!